The first annual “Austin Carr Living Memorial Mid-Season Awards” (Part 1)

Let’s fill the basketball vacuum with loads and loads of the year’s best clips

Basketball is back tonight, and it couldn’t come soon enough. In its absence over the All Star break, which—apart from Steph Curry and Sabrina Ionescu going head-to-head in a shooting contest—provided little respite, the hoops world seemed to fall apart.  

JJ Reddick got into some on-air beef with his former coach Doc Rivers, in part, I’m sure, to keep ratings from flatlining.

In a birthday tweet to Nikola Jokic (who doesn’t even have Twitter) former Nuggets coach George Karl trolled Carmelo Anthony, making sure to call Joker “the greatest player to wear #15 in Denver hoops history.” Anthony also wore #15, and several days earlier on a podcast, the Nugget’s great had lamented Karl calling him overrated as a new coach.

But wait, there’s more!

Matt Barnes, former LA Clipper and then-current Sacramento Kings Studio analyst Matt Barnes was dropped from the broadcast crew after harassing a Harvard-Westlake student at his son’s high school game.

The hoops vacuum could only be filled, apparently, with pointless drama.

So in an effort to keep as all sane until tonight’s 7pm tip against Orlando, I’m proud to present the first annual “Austin Carr Living Memorial Mid-Season Awards.”

In the spirit of the millennial generation–of which I recently found out I am a part–nearly everyone gets one. In the spirit of not being the Oscars, which run way too long, we’ll unveil half of the awards today, and the other half next week.

Enjoy the show.

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The 216Stix/Johnny Cash “Get Rhythm” Award

For those who haven’t seen the Cavs play in Cleveland, you’re missing out on the league’s premier mid-quarter trash can drum squad, the 216Stix. Donovan Mitchell plays with an entirely different kind and cadence of rhythm than his drum-breating bretheren, but it’s no less glorious to behold. 

The Jarrett Allen “Jarett Allen” Award

It’s almost annoying to hear an out-of-town announcer talk about how Jarrett Allen refuses to make business decisions and tries to block everything. It’s been the go-to line about Allen for years. However, that doesn’t mean it’s not true, and that doesn’t mean it’s not awesome nearly every time he meets someone at the rim.

Best Sound Mixing

This one has to go to Bally Sports Florida’s Orlando Magic broadcast, who puts a mic in the rim and turns it to 11. Have you ever heard such beautiful swishes? It’s like they stole the audio from someone biting a piece of chicken in a Popeyes ad. 

The “So Underrated He’s Underrated” Award

Darius Garland’s numbers have taken a hit this year as he’s dealt with injuries and with playing his way into shape in a new system. As a result, unlike so-underrated-he’s-overrated Austin Reaves, or so-overrated-he’s under-rated Julius Randle, Darius Garland is officially underrated. He reminded us how great he can be last week with this dagger against Chicago.

The Jason Williams “Ballfakeasaurus” Award

Nobody loves a pump fake like Caris LeVert, especially when he can pull out three of them on one drive.

The Liver King “Built Different” Award

“When everyone’s super, no one will be.” That’s the famous line from Syndrom, the ginger-haired villain in the Pixar classic The Incredibles. Perhaps the NBA floor, where physical freaks compete with physical freaks, is where Syndrom’s cruel wisdom is most apparent. But every once in a while someone reminds us just how insanely strong NBA players are. That someone is Jarrett Allen, who threw a ball off the back iron farther than most can hit a seven iron. 

The John Mayer “Gravity” Award

Gravity certainly does not work too hard against Donovan Mitchell.

Honorable Mention: Donovan Mitchell

The Neville Chamberlain Award for Temporary Dedication to Appeasement

This award is given each All-Star break to the best basket allowed by the Cavaliers. There were many nominees, but this fast break by the Pistons, of all teams, takes the cake. Like New York’s hottest club, from a steal and spin move to a no-look touch pass, dribble-free hit ahead and dunk, this play has everything.

Thus concludes the first half half of the annual “Austin Carr Living Memorial Mid-Season Awards.” I hope you enjoyed them.

If you disagree with any of the selections, you’ll have to take it up with the Academy (or leave a comment/reply to this email). 

Here’s hoping we’re treated to more exceptional individual and team play over the next 29 plus games. It all starts tonight at 7pm against Orlando. Donovan Mitchell might be resting, and Jarrett Allen definitely got a haircut. Let’s hope it doesn’t make him any less menacing. 

Cheers, and go Cavs.